you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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