Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
