I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He felt like a one man threesome
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
