I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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