Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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