Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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