Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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