I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
