Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
