I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
