i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
