I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
