Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
