I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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