he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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