We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
