I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
