i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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