just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
