this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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