just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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