im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
