I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
