She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
