So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
