DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
