Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
