I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize