Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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