woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
