Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who died my cat blue again?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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