I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
