I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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