this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
