haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
