if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
