Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
