Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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