you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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