clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
