Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
