There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
