When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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