i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YAS. BRING CRAB.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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