It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
