yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
