dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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