My hand turned me down
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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