: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
