we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
