im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
