Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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