I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
