dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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