It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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