Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
