Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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