when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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