Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
