Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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