Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
