I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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