I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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