it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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