somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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