I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
